A fight with thousand of NO's

The love that you shown out without any selfishness and secretive to your mom. I need this.
What's the love from you to me ? You compared between me and you. Selective listener of your own chosen words from the sentence I've told. I am jealous, but you can't see. I am hurt and you don't know. Family outing always making you happy even you don't want to go at the very first point. And that's the thing I care about ! You don't know. I won't say. That's my way of living. You don't understand me that's why argument and quarrel appeared in our life. Sorry for not wiping away your tears anymore, sorry for not hugging you anymore. I'm sorry for all. Crying and hurting can't make me wiping or hugging. No one know.

P/s argument and quarrel will just continue happening if nothing have been taken action.

很辛苦，心很不舒服，很酸...你懂吗？
等你，一直等待，我哭着...你懂吗？
我不重要了，你没像以前那样对我了...
没一直的打电话，也不会关心我没和你联络...
哈哈，我真的很想大声骂 WTF ！！！
The one should call me but never shown up... but end up is He calling me and asked for a date !
HEY ! I am a girl ! I have feeling ! Why can't treat me softly ? Why never think of I am that type of girl can cry till never stop ? And I can't bear with this feeling till I need to type all out to release it. One whole day, never seen me at all... I feel like wanna just disappear myself and you will not able to see me anymore. I hate this. I hate being neglected, I hate.

Jesus, YOU ARE MY KING.

Hallelujah ! Lord, once again you touched my heart !
Praise The Lord ! Once again you reminded me !
You're my heavenly Father. You're my king.
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken.
I'm accepted, you were condemned.
The amazing love brought me here to this world.
The amazing love keep me alive and believing.
Because You died and rose again !
I know it's true. Jesus !
It's my joy to honor You.
In all I do, I honor You.

:'(

你真的很过分，说话可以那么伤人
说话前可以想想我吗？
可以懂我多一点吗？
懂我很难吗？
为什么每次你都只会问＂那我呢＂？
可以先解决问题才来说你自己吗？我都不曾提起过＂那我呢＂！
可以别把事情想的那么负面吗？站在我立场想好不好？
可以不要误解我的意思吗？对我有信心好不好？我需要被你了解！
我要的很简单..我真的伤了..真的很伤。之前我都没说过我伤呢...

Not a dream, You are.

Lots of words I keep in my heart, always thought you will understand me even I am silent.
Lots of feelings I show in my ways, always thought you will know me very well.
Lots of thoughts I never told you, always thought you will get me even I am quiet.
But, all these just too much of expectations and get to disappointments.
Not to blame one of us but I am just too much.
Should get into your way -> simple and easy that's enough for both loving couple.

CHONG EE LING is a kind of girl needs a lot of secure and protective person.
That's why she always hide in the blanket or keep hugging the bolster.
She likes to being understand and being loved.
That's why hers expectations always involved.
She likes to stay around with loved ones.
Not because of lonely and she doesn't scare of being alone. But she likes to be with you.
She likes to eat delicious yummy food not even care about the price but she cares about do you have the same taste with her.
She likes to being care and care for the loved ones. 
If being rejected, disappointment will come in to her minds.
She likes to think a lot of matters. 
Not because of sensitive but it's about emotional.
She loves you and you should know this.

The answer you wanted to know : If you walk away, if ever you walk away that door... I promise that you will never see me when you return back.
Not that I doesn't want to hold you tight, but you're prepare to leave, aren't you ?? 
You've brushed your teeth, washed your face, changed to a nice outing clothes, comb your hair and at last you packed your little bags. Do not tell me, you aren't prepare. I see you and I feel you. I am crying at that moment, who knows right ? Because I seem hard-hearted. But I always wish you will know me, know what I'm thinking... ...I always thinking about you, me -> US. What we gonna be... I visited your families and I wish they accepted but... I still wish and hope. I do not have confidence, I need you. Can't you see ?

P/s I am not blaming you sweetheart. I just want to let you know I always thinking about you, me and us. I need you to get me all the times, I need lots of protection and you should know. Lastly, YOU should never compare with my ex. I always treat you who you are. I never take you nor compare with the previous one. 117days for ex. We are more than that, aren't we ? All the love being showed, all the feelings being told... seriously, you shouldn't keep it while argument occur. Think back, how sweet we are, how happily we are, how blissful we being through. 

Hey, I'm so thankful for having you in my life.
No one else loves me like you do
No one else sees me like you do
No one else knows me like you do
You're such a wonderful for me.

I viewed your previous pictures, and I saw you're holding someone's hand *grabbing*
A sudden sour pop up in my heart again. Once again jealousy, Once again disappointment that somebody wasn't me.

Hey, can I be the only one you will grab ?
Can I be your only one ?
Can I not to be alone like "EVA" ?
Be with me.

每一次的吵架，每一次都是怎样的结局？
我不曾说过要放手或要结束
只有你有那个想法
你累了吗？大概是累了吧。

都是因为我，你的生活没自由没色彩
如果你接受的是LAWLEE不是我，现在你大概是幸福的生活
如果我变成回忆，让他陪你。。。

你说：“你是骗子，你以前不是这样的“
哈哈，你句话是多么的伤人啊
哈哈，我的心是多么的疼啊
哈哈，你是多么的不懂我啊
张依玲喜欢被人疼
会发脾气，但是希望有人哄
你不懂吗？
我的喜欢，我的爱，我讨厌的，
你一点都不懂吗？
我骗了你什么？我现在是怎样的样子？

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 


多久没见的朋友，多久没回家
哈哈，你都拿来跟我作比较了是吗？
我的地位永远都是要和你的朋友们，家人们作比较才懂得的排名。
这个月，我排名第一位因为你没能出去见朋友，没能回家。
哈哈，原来啊。。。我是多么没人懂啊~